Friday, July 27, 2007

I'm so glad that this has taken me so long. It's the Journey that has made me so Strong.

I've been gone. I apologize.

I sit all alone in my room in the wake of another failed relationship. It's Friday night, 10:16pm on the 26th of July, 2007, and I don't understand. This picture is my best attempt to visually express my feelings. It's a discouraging feeling to have given everything you can give, and yet, come up short.

My life the last couple of years has been, well, rather unimpressive. There hasn't been much to tell, just the aimless wanderings of a 20 something year old searching for direction in his life. Then suddenly everything came together. The job that gave me everything I wanted. The girl that was both exactly what I needed and wanted, and who seemingly was excited to be along for the ride. But fear is a cruel mistress. Despite all good reason, it didn't work. I am searching for understanding, but it just won't come. Maybe someone can explain.

The need for that "spark" is important, undoubtedly it's what makes it all exciting, but to let fear extinguish the flame? The spark fades, the flame endures. How can I be that I'm the perfect guy, what every girl dreams of, someone without an undesirable quality (words from her own mouth), and someone that she wants so badly to be with, and it still not work? She says there's something missing. What more do you need?

There is nothing I can do. I have two options. Hang on to hope or cut my losses.
I want to hope, experience tells me to go.

Someday I will say,
I'm glad that this has taken me so long. It's the Journey that has made me so STRONG.


Failed in business in 1831.

Defeated for Legislature in 1832.

Second failure in business in 1833.

Suffered nervous breakdown in 1836.

Defeated for Speaker in 1838.

Defeated for Elector in 1840.

Defeated for Congress in 1843.

Defeated for Congress in 1848.

Defeated for Senate in 1855.

Defeated for Vice President in 1856.

Defeated for Senate in 1858.

Elected President in 1860.

Thanks Abe.