That just happened...

I don't make this stuff up.



This is pretty funny. I wish I knew who did it...

Malibu

I have been gone a very long time. I apologize. I've spent the last couple of months scouring the internet for the best videos that I could find though, and I've got two gems for you. The first is just in time for Christmas. Both have a Malibu theme. Enjoy.






This next gem just blows my mind. I think it will blow yours too.





You can thank me later for enriching your life with these videos.
I wonder if you can download "In the Bu" for Rockband...

Wishful Thinking

I came across this Photoshop tutorial on doing magazine covers, so I figured I'd make one of myself since I'm very nearly famous.

I had it up for my Facebook picture for a day, but a friend in my ward said that it was silly. So I took it down.

For those of you who are wondering, the guyliner was applied in Photoshop, not in real life. I haven't taken to wearing makeup yet.

I'm a geek, I know, but I just wanted to show everyone, because strangely, I'm sort of proud of it. :)

So what's worse? Having weird obsessions with people and doing weird Photoshop things to pictures of them, or having a weird obsession with yourself and doing weird Photoshop things? I'm not sure.

This makes me feel weird.

So, I write music.

Sometimes I get an idea for a song, and just so I don't forget it later, I'll open up Photobooth on my Mac and make a quick video of the song, so I can remember what it sounds like, and I can see myself playing it, in case I forget how.

I got a bit carried away here. This is pretty weird, so be warned... :)

I know I mess up a couple of times, but this was surprisingly hard to do...



Thanks for watching! I hope you're thoroughly weirded out!

I am a total NERD.

I'm coming to find out I'm a total nerd.

I first got the impression that I was a nerd when I started enjoying my physics class a lot this semester. I tried to maintain my aloof coolness by saying things like: "Nah, physics is pretty cool. I could chuck a baby off of that roof, and just by timing how long it took to hit the ground, I could tell you how tall the building is."

But then I realized that talking about throwing babies off of buildings isn't really cool at all, so I stopped doing that.

I really started to worry about myself when I would totally geek out when I got a physics problem right. I think the only time I've been happier since I got 100% on my physics homework was when I baptized someone on my mission.

I was still able to justify that, however, by telling myself that I just enjoyed the sense of accomplishment, which is totally cool thing, akin to landing a new trick on a snowboard or something.

But no. I can't avoid it any longer. I'm a nerd.

The convicting piece of evidence in my case?

I just watched this entire video, and thoroughly enjoyed it...




Don't try to save me from nerd-dom. I'm a lost cause.

(You might be a nerd too. Watch the video for 1 minute. If you're not hooked, then you're not a nerd.)

I'm a stupid idiot.

So I got this great idea to go camping. I was going to get some people together to go up American Fork Canyon and spend the night, but no one seemed too terribly interested.

So I decided to go by myself.

Bad idea.

I got in my trusty 4Runner and headed up the canyon, drove up past Silver Lake, and followed some narrow windy path that my car barely fit up. After about an hour and a half I found myself completely isolated, deep in the canyon. Perfect.

I wanted to try and find the stream that was showing on my map about a quarter mile east of where I figured I was, so I grabbed my pack and started hiking through the woods, but as soon as I left the clearing where I had parked my car, the woods got really thick, with a bunch of undergrowth, making it pretty difficult to navigate. I found a pretty new trail, and started following it. I'm not sure if it had been made by hunters, or if it was a game trail, either way, me deciding to follow it might have been a complete lapse in judgment...

I came across a small clearing, and decided that I didn't want to wander too far from my car after all. So I set up camp, built a fire, and made some dinner. I was sitting there eating my freeze-dried rice thinking how much I love camping.

It got dark, so I grabbed my sleeping bag and jumped in my hammock for some star gazing and deep thought. I promptly fell asleep.

I woke up probably about 30 minutes later. It was completely dark, my fire was out, and it was DEAD SILENT. This was the one thing I didn't plan on. The woods at night are SO creepy. Seriously, not a single sound.

So I was sitting there, and thoughts started creeping into my head about the boy that got eaten by a bear last year in the canyon, and skin walkers and Sasquatch. I found my self just sitting and listening for some kind of sound to warn me that death was neigh.

So at about 10:30 I made the call to head home. I got out of my hammock, broke down my tent and packed up all my stuff in the dark. My next task was trying to find my way back to my car in total darkness... I'm such an idiot.

The trail wasn't easy to find in the dark, so I just started wandering in the direction of where I figured my car was. Luckily I have an amazing sense of direction, and I was able to find it without too much trouble. I loaded everything up and headed home.

The worst part was when I got home and had to tell my roommates that I was scared of the dark, so I came home early from my own camping trip. That was embarrassing.

Return of the Prodigal Son

Danny has returned to Provo.

So I got in Friday afternoon after a couple months away in DC. I thought it would be a smooth transition back into Provo life, but reality gave me a harsh slap across the face. My friend Meredeth was in town too, and unfamiliar with the Provo scene, so we took a trip over the Sev. across the street to experience some Provo nightlife.

We were both shocked. The following is a representation of what we saw.


Boys with beards.

Some Cutoffs on guys.


Indie Kids with questionable fashion sense


And some "Mormon" girls with questionable values.

Provo is an interesting place to live, but it's where I call home, and I love it. Meredeth didn't really know what to do about the overload of amazingness that we found at the 7-11, but that's why you've got to love it here. Where else can you find such diversity in one convenience store? Raj saw us laughing at everyone, and he started laughing too and said that he loves his job because he gets a new show every five minutes. I like that guy.

Oh, I almost forgot...


The new freshman girls that look 10 years old and are trying WAY to hard to be cute and impress freshman boys. We saw some of them too...

Border Patrol

My Parents think I should get a job on the Border Patrol. I'm just curious if anyone can see me working in law enforcement...?



Let's take a second and weigh my options...

Border Patrol Vs. Rockstar


RS - Play my guitar and sing songs for a living
BP - Catch Mexicans and Terrorists for a living
RS - Low probability of actually "making it"
BP - Could have a job in as little as 3 months
RS - Have to live wherever the band is
BP - Have to live where I am working
RS - Sleep on a tour bus
BP - Sleep in my own bed
RS - Might make millions, might make nothing
BP - Decent steady income
RS - Gone on tour for extended periods of time
BP - Home for dinner
RS - Wield an "axe" aka guitar
BP - Wield a Glock and/or 12 Gauge
RS - Wear sweet outfits and costumes to work
BP - Wear that lame green uniform to work
RS - Thick gnarly beards are acceptable in my line of work
BP - Thick gnarly mustaches are acceptable in my line of work
RS - Long hair is smiled upon
BP - Long hair is frowned upon, unless you're under cover
RS - Bullet proof vests are just stage costumes
BP - Bullet proof vests are standard issue
RS - Everyone knows who you are, and loves you
BP - Juan, Ernesto, and Panfilo know who you are, and hate you


Those are just a few things I could think of, feel free to add more. And please, give me your opinion on which I should choose.

All jokes aside though, the Border Patrol could be a pretty cool job. You basically go take quads and 4x4's around and snag Mexicans trying to sneak across the border. It's not dangerous like being a police officer.

On the other side of the coin, however; everyone wants to be a Rockstar...

Tales of Rejection

So, for those of you not keeping tabs on me right now, I'm in Washington DC for a couple months doing the summer security sales thing.
Rejection on the doors is a daily thing, and typically it's the same answers you get from everyone. You get pretty good at diverting away from peoples objections and getting them to listen to you, but every now and then you come across a situation that leaves you basically dumbfounded.
So I was knocking a bit ago and I saw an open door behind a screen, a tell-tale sign that someone is home, so I gave 'er a knock.
This old man came out and I started doing my introduction, but instead of listening to me he just walked right up to me and grabbed the name badge that I wear around my neck and held it about 6 inches from his face. He hadn't said a word, and I just stopped talking because he was uncomfortably close...
After inspecting my badge for about 5 seconds, he turned around to walk back in the house. I wasn't going to let him get away that easily, so I started talking to him again, but he just held up a finger and said "I'm deaf" in that cliche deaf voice and walked back into the house. I wondered how he heard me knocking...
A few seconds later a decently good looking younger woman came out so I started talking to her, but no sooner had I started than she began to sign like crazy to me.
I stopped talking again, silently cursing myself for not learning ASL like I've been meaning to for the past couple of years and considering that there was a 50/50 shot that this girl was faking. I tried asking her if there was anyone who wasn't deaf in the house, but she just started gesturing for me to write it down. At this point I was losing hope, so I just decided to wing my pitch. I wrote on that back of a prequalification slip: "I'm doing some advertising for Honeywell home security systems and paying for 3 in your neighborhood today."
You can see her reply in the photo above. I normally wouldn't let her get off that easily, but I've never been rejected in writing before...

As a side note, the house may or may not have been a mosquito farm. All I know is that my legs got absolutely mutilated while standing there. It was bad news.
-Daniel Wilson
megadanny@gmail.com
(email sent via blackberry)

Sometimes Dreaming Really Sucks.

I'm usually all about dreaming. I think it's great. You get to do random things, and it all seems real. Sometimes you do bad things, and then you don't even have to feel bad about stealing that lady's car or punching that guy, because you didn't actually do it.

But sometimes dreaming freaking blows. Like last night. I didn't have the best of days yesterday. I was all stressed out and having a bunch of anxiety, which for me is extremely rare, so you know it was a bad day... Anyway, I kinda was just over it all, so I decided to go to bed and just start over the next day. Sounded like a great idea.

I got all settled in and next thing I knew, I was driving along in the back seat of some dudes car going to church. Everything seemed alright, but apparently the guy (an older man) was a diabetic and he forgot to give himself insulin and passed out while driving. So, all of the sudden the car hangs a louie and we jump over the center divider into oncoming traffic. Amazingly, my friend riding shotgun (I can't remember who it was...) didn't even notice what was going on, so I had to jump from the back seat and grab the wheel. We start careening through oncoming traffic until I can get us to safety. Meanwhile this guy comes to, pulls out a syringe and starts administering himself insulin while this is going on...

I was able to safely bring the car to a halt on the side of the road, and we were all OK. I thought this was the end of my problems, but I was wrong.

Where we finally pulled over, there were a group of cars parked and a bunch of people standing around. I had to get out of the car after all the near-death stress, so I got out to see what was going on. We were parked just a bit off the foot of a big mountain. So after a couple of moments there, I heard a huge crack and I looked up at the mountain to see the beginnings of an avalanche. I thought that it was pretty cool looking until I realized it was a HUGE avalanche and it was headed right toward us. So we all started running away and this huge sea of snow came pouring down the mountain and across the road toward us. I'm a really fast runner, so I was able to get safely up a small hill and out of the reach of the rushing snow. Some of the people I was with weren't so lucky...

The fortunate thing about it all was that I happened to have a shovel with me (???). So I started searching in the drift and digging people out as I found them.


I was able to pull everyone out of the avalanche, so I guess that makes me a hero or something, but all I really wanted to do was sleep. Sleeping was more stressful than being awake.

Just to explain the picture, the subtitle to it should read "Bad dream honey?" because the dreams are so real sometimes that it takes you a second to figure out it was just a dream when you wake up...

I think I'm going to take drugs tonight so that this doesn't happen again...

Dang you, Rachel.

Rachel Sharp tagged me in this musical ABC's thing... I guess you pick a band or a song for each letter of the alphabet...We'll see how it goes.

A. Anberlin - "Godspeed" and "Adelaide", these songs actually really rock. I've been grooving to them for a bit now..
B. Brand New - Perhaps my favorite studio band. Live performances I've seen have left a lot to be desired, not that they don't sound great, they just don't really entertain... but their studio work is simply amazing.
C. Circa Survive - I just met Anthony Green last week, and he seriously is the nicest guy ever, not to mention an amazing vocalist...
D. Dashboard Confessional - Chris Carraba... I'm not sure which I like better, listening to his music, or playing his songs on my guitar and screaming at the top of my lungs when no one is home. His music is seriously some of the most fun to play of any band...
E. Elton John - Call me what you will, I LOVE Elton John. "Your Song" is one of my favorites....
F. Foo Fighters - Duh.... I freaking love Dave Grohl. I can't get enough. Their DVD "Skin and Bones" is great. Get it. Watch it. Love it.
G. Greenday - AMAZING live. Seriously, one of the most solid and talented live performance acts ever. Whether you like their music or not, you have to hand them that.
H. Hells Bells - AC/DC - Do I really even need to say anything?
I. Imogen Heap - Once again, you might question my sexuality on this one, but she is awesome. "Hide and Seek" changed my life.
J. Journey - Because I won't stop believin'
K. The Killers - "Glamorous Indie Rock and Roll" - One of the best songs ever, and my personal Killers fav.
L. Lagwagon - Joey Cape is a genius, and everything he touches is gold.
M. Millencolin - Just another high school punk rock fav.
N. No Use For A Name - Have you heard their new album???
O. Operation Ivy - I never realized that these old school punk bands only used the middle of the alphabet to start their names...
P. "Punk In Drublic" - NOFX - arguably their best album, the one that got me started anyway.
Q. Queen - I mean really? Is there any other answer? Forever one of my favorite bands.
R. The Rolling Stones - I had to throw in some classic rock... I mean, I did give Led Zeppelin the shaft on "L" anyway...
S. Saves the Day - I was never a huge fan until their latest album "Under the Boards" - amazing.
T. Taking Back Sunday - Just thought I'd give a shoutout to good old fashioned Pop Punk.
U. Unwritten Law - So good on CD. So good live.
V. Vitamin C - We talked all night about the rest of our lives, where we gonna be when we turn 25? Holy crap. I'm 25... Where am I?
W. "War of the Worlds" - the 3rd Bad Astronaut album. Maybe not as good as "Houston, We Have a Drinking Problem," but still, It's Joey Cape. You can't go wrong.
X. The Xylophone that they play in the first All-American Rejects on the song "My Paper Heart." That was my idea, but they beat me to it...
Y. Yanni - His smooth piano stylings were forever ruined by a girl who played Yanni for me on the piano, and then broke my heart. I don't really want to talk about it...
Z. Led Zeppelin - Does that work? C'mon Z is tough, and I thought I'd make up for not giving what is quite possibly one of the greatest bands of all time their spot on L. Cut me some slack.

I guess I'll tag Heather, because she is the only person that I know reads my blog...

I take myself much to seriously.

So, I came to this conclusion a while ago while playing my guitar for a friend. It was just me and her, but geeze, I was really into it.

Seriously though... Look at this picture that another friend took of me while playing my guitar...


Way too serious...

As item of evidence #2, lets take a look at my blog here....
Hmm... the top banner is okay, I'm not sure what makautomatik even means... (actually, I do... but it's a secret) but wait.. What's this? Look at my picture on the right side... Who am I kidding? So sexy and mysterious? LAME.

And what about the caption underneath? 200 degrees? Okay, okay, cut me some slack there, I'm quoting the late great Freddy Mercury...

The best thing about all of this, is I'm not that serious of a person. I'm actually kind of a jack off. I mean, yeah I take work and music seriously, but in general? I can think of maybe four people I've had serious conversations with in the last 6 months... 2 of them were my parents, 1 was my bishop, and the other, well, you know who you are.

So if I happen to be playing my guitar for you, channeling all the angst and emotion a 25 year old guy can in your living room, don't be afraid to tell me that I'm taking myself too seriously. Because seriously, it's becoming a problem. Seriously.

Where did spring go?

Did anyone notice that spring pulled a no show this year?

One day it's freaking freezing....


Then the next its really hot...


I heard somewhere that we should expect flooding because the snowpack hasn't had time to slowly melt away like usual...



That should be fun...

I wish I had something neat to post about...

Um.... So I realize that I haven't posted in over a month now... but what do I even tell you about?

I played paparazzi the other day when David Archuleta from American Idol was in town. I haven't even watched a single episode this season, but I've seen a couple clips of him, and he is pretty amazing...

I took these pictures...





Having an extremely huge camera is pretty neat, because you are automatically official. All you have to do is hold your camera in front of you and act like you're doing something important and no one stops you. Like for these pictures... I just jumped over the rope and walked past all the security guards right up to David to get these shots. It's pretty funny.

You're probably wondering why I was at the Gateway Mall at 11 in the morning to see David A... Well, I was going to the Jazz game later that evening and my buddy Dane and I had to go pick up our tickets.. So we made it a David A day while we were at it. See a better account of our activities on Dane's blog.

April Fooled on the 3rd.

Check out this article... It looks pretty legit...



Snoop Dog Converts to Mormonism

The Show!

Just a few pictures from the show Saturday night.

You're so mad right now if you missed this show!!!

Rad

No explanation needed. If you have not seen this movie, go do so, now.

Thanks Friends!

Even though the above image is completely sarcastic, I just want to sincerely thank all my friends for everything they do for me. You know who you are.
Loves.

Running Man

So there's this band from Harrogate, England that makes dance/electronica music called Utah Saints. I just watched this video two times in a row... I don't know what that says about me...

If anything, I think this sheds some light on why MC Hammer blew up, and them pretty much disappeared...

Awareness Test

This is awesome. Totally legit. Make sure you go back and watch it a second time...

I wonder if that happens a lot....

I Believe

I do. I believe.

Calling In Sick

So, calling in sick when you just want a day off is a pretty old trick, but it still seems to work, if you're not an idiot.

Pretty much people make the same mistakes that get them caught when they call in sick.

-Don't make a fake sick voice - I mean really, c'mon. We know you're faking, no one really sounds like that.

-Call at the right time - Calling the night before is a bad idea, you're going to wait until you're sure you are still sick the next day. Calling right before you're supposed to arrive is a bad idea too. You know well in advance that you don't feel well. Calling right before is like saying, "Hey, I don't want to work today, and I just decided that, so I'm, uh, sick...."

-If you're really looking to sell the thing, try faking some symptoms the day before - Don't be overt, but if you can get the idea into the bosses head that you're coming down with something, he/she will connect the dots the next day when you make the call.

-Don't have any evidence of any activities other than bed resting and movie watching - going to the pool or beach is a bad idea when you call in sick. When you show up to work the next looking like that kid in the picture above, your cover is blown.

Tips For A Sucessful Power Nap

I thought I'd take a second to impart some of my wisdom that I have gained over the years of power napping.

The power nap is a very useful tool, but used improperly can lead to serious consequences, such as insomnia, tardiness, and a generally dishevelled look.

Here are some tricks to keep the power nap just that, and not falling asleep at 3pm and waking after dark.

-Sleep on the floor. The floor isn't very comfortable, and you typically can't sleep more than 20-40 minutes there. That's a perfect power nap.

-Sleep with your shoes on. This is particularly useful for that 8pm power nap, where without caution you wake up at 1am and you're totally screwed. Leave the light on, leave your shoes on and put a blanket over your head, and you'll wake up in under an hour. Works every time.

I hope you find these tips useful. Sleep Sluts will find this particularly useful.

Now go enjoy that nap!

Crazy Dreams

So this morning I was paddling out to the lineup on Utah Lake because there was a solid eight foot wind swell coming in on the east shore. I was hoping to get a few early waves before it got to crowded, but I was too late. There was a pack of surfing chocolate brown labradors taking all the waves and hot-dogging it out there. I didn't stay out long though. There was a crazy southern current pulling me down towards Payson, and I didn't want a long walk back...

So I got out and started walking through some sort of expo that they were having right there on the beach. I walked through a couple of tents with really hot asian girls giving massages, but I didn't stop. That always seemed rather sketchy to me. Then I went through an optometry tent where a lot of people were getting eye exams, and then moving to another tent to get laser eye surgery. I didn't stop there either. My eyes are pretty good.

After that I was going down this little walkway, when I saw this dude that I recognized, but I couldn't remember where I knew him from. I asked him, and he asked me if I was from Carlsbad. I told him I was and he said he knew me from church there. It wasn't until later that I realized that it was in fact Mr. Boston from the first season of VH1's I Love New York.

Dreams are crazy.
-Daniel Wilson
megadanny@gmail.com
(email sent via blackberry)

You only live once

I'm getting back on my diet again because I would like to finally meet my abs. I've been good friends with my gut for a while, but I think its time to make a new friend.

I'm not very good at the whole eating right thing though. Last night I found a big juicy burger staring me in the face. I was trying to decide what to do about it when the popular phrase "you only live once" came to mind. I immediately began to eat the burger. After a moment, however, I paused to consider the implications of that phrase.

Typically, you say it just before doing something crazy, but that really doesn't make much sense. It would be more sensible to use the phrase to dissuade someone from doing something stupid.

"Hey, don't do that! You only live once, you idiot!"

Maybe if we lived more than once, we could use a similar phrase to inspire courage. I bet when cats are about to do something insane, they say to each other, "Do it you pansy, you live nine times."
-Daniel Wilson
megadanny@gmail.com
(email sent via blackberry)

Oops

I forgot to attach the pictures for the post below.
-Daniel Wilson
megadanny@gmail.com
(email sent via blackberry)

The New Year

I'm back in Utah after a wonderful couple of weeks in California, and it is cold here. Really cold. You kind of forget after you've been walking around outside barefoot. I'm not complaining though, I love it here.

I went to mexico with my friend Jeff and went to a really great wax museum in TJ. Highlights included the Mexican Revolutionaries, like Pancho Villa and Miguel Hidalgo. Also present were Jack The Ripper, Micheal Jackson, The King - Elvis Presly, Harrison Ford, Tom Cruise, and of course ex-president Bill Clinton. Best $1.50 I've spent in a long time.

I had a wonderful New Years Eve in Newport. That's all I'm saying. :)

New Years Day I drove back to Utah, and it was crazy windy. Right where the 15 meets the north end of the 215 it was slightly out of control. The wind was so strong that it blew over 4 semi trucks. Blew them right off the road on to their sides. It was wild.

Other than that, it was a pretty uneventful drive.

This is kind of a boring blog post huh? Sorry about that.

-Daniel Wilson
megadanny@gmail.com
(email sent via blackberry)